A Consumer Walks Into A Bar...
He confidently surveys the layout and the people around before strolling up to the bar and grabbing the attention of the nearest bartender...
He confidently surveys the layout and the people around before strolling up to the bar and grabbing the attention of the nearest bartender:
Bartender A: ’Good evening sir, what will it be? We have an excellent selection of drinks including cocktails, lagers, ales, spirits and wines’
Bloke: "Ah yes, I’ll - "
Bartender A: ’The Manhattan is a favourite amongst numerous celebrities and is on offer, you must try one. Now. Today!’
Bloke: "Erm, right well I was thinkin-"
Bartender A: ’Our Manhattan contains the best whisky and other ingredients in the world. You want it. You will drink it and you WILL enjoy it’
- the bartender pauses momentarily to slowly expose a suspiciously rehearsed grin, he does this whilst holding aloft a bottle of Branded whisky. He then proceeds to shove the bottle towards the bloke and stops just short of his nose.
The bloke tilts his head to look around the bottle that’s been thrust into his face and starts to answer the bartender. He gets no further than;
Bloke: "Well I was thinking more along the lines of-"
Before he is loudly interrupted once more; Bartender A: ’EXCELLENT choice sir! You will no doubt enjoy this drink more than any other. It’s just the best and you deserve it. If you drink this, you’ll be the best. I think so, your friends will think so but more importantly, celebrities will think so. Forever.’
More than a little freaked the bloke starts to look around for help and catches the eye of another bartender who’s just finished serving someone at the other end of the establishment.
Meanwhile the current serial- interrupter member of the bar staff continues to stare straight through him with lifeless shark eyes and is now chanting the name of a soft drink, which he’s adding to the whisky.
Backing off the bar stool the bloke bails out of the current bizarre interaction by scuttling off to the far side of the bar. Sitting down opposite the other bartender he breathes out through puffed cheeks and wide eyes in confused exasperation. The new bartender looks at him and smiles.
Bartender B “I guess you’ll be needing a pint?”
Bloke: ‘Yes!’ he quickly replies. ‘That’d be great, what have you got?’
“Well” says the new bartender “we don’t have the French lager that you were drinking most of last summer”
Bloke: ‘Right’ he nods slowly.
Bartender B: "But we do have lots of the craft ales that you’ve been enjoying recently”
Bloke: ‘OK, how did…’
Bartender B: “I’d recommend this one sir. It’s locally brewed and the ingredients are all organically grown and sustainably sourced”.
Bloke: ‘Yes well, that sounds good’
Bartender B: Would you like to try a sample first?”
He pulls some of the amber liquid into a shot glass and places it on the bar. Then he reaches from underneath the shelf and places a folded paper sheet next to the sample.
“Here’s a map of the local area showing you where all the ingredients are grown”
He then gestures to a man sat behind the bloke.
“That’s Ian over there, he’s one of the growers. You can have a chat to him about how and where he grows the hops. He’s a top bloke and he’ll know doubt give you a tour of his hops farm if you want, it’s just down the road”
Ian gestures back with a nod and slight raise of his glass.
‘Well that’s very kind’ says the bloke nodding back and finishing his sample. ‘I’ll try a pint please’.
Bartender B “Great. Would you like to pull your own? Here, I’ll show you how’.
The new bartender then takes the bloke through a quick ‘how to’ guide on how to pull the perfect pint of craft ale. He follows his instructions and to his surprise, he manages to fill his glass perfectly without too much froth.
A tall bloke sat nearby looks over.
“I love that stuff he says, staring at the bloke’s drink. Since I tried it last week, I don’t bother drinking anything else, it’s delicious – it definitely gets a 5 star rating from me. Enjoy!’
After thoroughly enjoying what was one of the best pints of beer he’d had in ages the bloke hands over the empty glass and thanks the helpful bartender.
“No worries, he responds. If you want a tour of the brewery it’s through those doors, we brew it on site!”
‘Thanks, I’ll check it out’ the bloke replies.
As he walks back across the bar he crosses the path of the previous bartender who is still staring straight ahead shouting slogans at the wall. He quickens his step and before he pushes the door which reads ‘Virtual Reality Tour of Craft Ales Brewery feat Oculus’ he turns back to Bartender B and shouts ’You should turn that TV off mate (pointing at Bartender A), he’s all talk and no interaction!’
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